The Inclusive Networker
The Inclusive Networker is a podcast dedicated to helping small business owners, solopreneurs, and network marketers develop inclusive marketing and sales processes that help them authentically reach diverse audiences and subsequently grow large, diverse networks of customers, business partners, or team members.
The Inclusive Networker
Access Denied with Brenda Harrington
Imagine understanding the strategies that global leaders use to foster diversity. You're in luck! This episode features Brenda Harrington, the founder of Adaptive Leadership Strategies LLC, who shares her distinctive approach to leadership, encapsulated in one word - tenacity.
Brenda, an expert in navigating the intricate dynamics of organizations, shares valuable insights on how to be strategic, observant, and vocal. She's going to help you recognize and combat discriminatory gaslighting and muster the courage for those difficult conversations. Brenda also provides her wisdom on how to navigate network marketing challenges and stresses the importance of mentorship and a board of advisors.
Brenda's insights are not just limited to organizational dynamics. We dig deeper into the mental health of Black women, the importance of connecting with mentors, and having accountability partners. Finally, Brenda guides us on how to take action in building an inclusive network. This episode is packed with powerful insights that you can apply in your personal and professional life. So, buckle up and get ready for an enriching conversation with Brenda Harrington.
You can find Brenda on…
Website https://adaptiveleadershipstrategies.com/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/authorbharrington/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/brendaharrington/
Want more from Dr. Raymona?
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drraymonahlawrence/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/drraymonahlawrence/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/drraymonahlawrence/
Thank you for listening!
~Dr. Raymona
Hey, hey, hey, welcome, welcome. Welcome to this week's episode of the Inclusive Networker podcast, where we help network marketers, small business owners and solopreneurs become aware of gaps in knowledge or awareness that could be keeping their networks and businesses small. Tune in as we give tips and simple practical tools to make your business more inclusive and we teach you how to build inclusive communities that support diverse customers, team members and business partners. So if you want to authentically build relationships with diverse communities of customers or business partners, you are in the right place. But be warned you will be challenged. But here's the thing you won't be judged. I'm your host, dr Ramona. I'm a speaker, coach, consultant, public health professor, wife, mom and a fierce challenger of broken systems that keep people from reaching their highest potential. I'm so excited to be with you on your journey to becoming an inclusive networker, so let's jump right in. Hey, hey, hey, and welcome, welcome, welcome to this week's episode of the Inclusive Networker podcast. And who am I calling into conversation today? It is Brenda Harrington. And who am I? I'm Dr Ramona Lawrence. I'm your host and I am so excited to bring Brenda to you today and let me tell you a little bit more about her.
Speaker 1:Brenda is a certified executive coach and the founder of Adaptive Leadership Strategies LLC. She works with leaders globally in public, private government, intergovernmental, humanitarian and nonprofit organizations. Brenda spent more than 30 years in private industry in positions ranging from first level management to senior executive leadership. She has had countless firsthand experiences with issues involving diversity, both explicit and implicit, in her coaching practice. Some of the circumstances she encounters with clients and within organizations involving diversity, inclusion and acceptance mirror experiences she has had or has been aware of over many, many years. She knows that in the absence of mentors, sponsors, professional obstacles can be much more formidable. Brenda is a graduate of the Georgetown University Leadership Coaching Program and is a credentialed member of the International Coaching Federation. She holds a master's degree from Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, pamplin College of Business and a bachelor's degree from Adelphi University. Brenda, I am so, so, very honored and so excited to have you today as a guest on the Inclusive Networker Podcast. Welcome, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:I am so happy to be here and I'm going to ask you to just introduce me every day. That was beautiful.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's awesome. Yes, I'm so excited and just really honored that you, your credentials and just the things that you have done are so near and dear to my heart, and so I'm excited to have this conversation with you. So you ready to get started?
Speaker 2:I'm ready to get started. That means a lot, thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, All right. So the first question that I always ask my guests is what is your lens? It's like your background. It really shapes how we see the world. And so what's your lens, Brenda?
Speaker 2:I can. I can sum that up in one word, and that is traacity. Okay, traacity, and and I think that that comes from a place of just wanting to know how things come to be, wanting to know how things work. You know, growing up we didn't, we didn't do a lot of things, we didn't have exposure to a lot of things, but I was always looking beyond my immediate environment, just trying to figure out, you know what, what was happening, how things, how things worked, and I've brought that in a big way into my adult life. I'm not a person that likes to ask what, if okay, and so most people would say that I have a fairly high tolerance for risk, you know, and that's evident in some of the things that I've done and the changes I've made over the arc of my career, perhaps as well as personally, and so I think that just being curious, being willing to ask questions and being willing to reach out is really important. It's it's it's it's a priority for me.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I love that. I'm the same way, and I think that that's kind of the basis for this work, right? So if you're not curious, even if you don't know it all, if you're curious, then that is where we can start. And so people are often afraid to to jump out there and to talk about diversity, equity and inclusion because they're like, oh my goodness, what if I say the wrong thing? But it's important to be curious. If you're curious, then it's okay. We're all going to make mistakes and we all miss it up sometimes, but that that curiosity is so key to this work.
Speaker 2:No, it is, and I think people are looking for perfection, the perfect time. You know, the perfect language, and there's no such thing, right, not in this human condition. So we just have to, you just have to go for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So let's talk about some of the the work that you do. So you're an executive coach, you've been doing this work for upwards of 30 years, and so you've got some extreme, extremely valuable experience in DEI and in executive coaching, and so tell us a little bit about the work that you do within your business and within the coaching space.
Speaker 2:Certainly so. Coaching practice actually is about 12 years old. I haven't been. I was an interesting leading up to that, so I don't have 30 years experience coaching officially. But what I came to realize, probably about 15 years ago, was that my approach to interacting with other people, and certainly to leadership, came from a coaching place. But it wasn't until about that time that I, that I gave it language right, that I gave it vocabulary and really was I, was able to make meaning of it.
Speaker 2:So in my coaching practice, I have to say I have the privilege and it really is a privilege to share very intimate spaces with leaders all around the world to help them step into the best version of themselves. And that sounds a little bit cliche, but it's all about developing the right habits. Okay, and we all need a mirror, right. We all need someone to, to to help us not only to stand in our truth, but to to have difficult conversations with us and get us to those growth edges right With compassion, with caring, but to help us move outside of our comfort zone. All right, and it's not, you know, it's not anything extreme, sometimes they're very small nuances, but the most important thing, going back to the project, curiosity is to get people to a place where they're comfortable enough with themselves in their own skin so that they allay that fear that you referenced earlier and are able and willing to see others as individuals, to engage with people on terms other than their own. And when you're able to achieve that, amazing things can happen.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes. And so this work that you've done, it led you to write a book, and this book is called Access Denied. And so I really want to start delving into that, because one of the reasons that I started this work is because I saw people who had access denied right. So I was in network marketing and I am in network work marketing and I, when I initially came into the space, people said you know, everybody has the equal opportunity. Everybody can get to the top of this company. You know anybody with skin and hair and you know you can get to the top.
Speaker 1:And when I looked at the top of the company, I said, oh, I don't see people with skin and hair that look like mine. And we often said you know, work harder. We all have the same 24 hours, the same compensation plan, the same products. The only difference is you, as if the you didn't matter, right. And so I realized that access was denied for some reason, and I knew that over time. There's no way that no black woman worked hard enough, that they weren't working hard enough to get to the top of this company, right? So something was wrong, there was a systems issue, and so I'm really interested in this, this topic of access denied, and the work that you've done in this book. So tell us a little bit about the book and then let's just delve into specifically how this works when you, when you're thinking about black women moving to the top of space.
Speaker 2:Certainly, I never planned to write a book. It was the spring of 2020 that moved me to write this book, the events of the spring of 2020. And we don't have to go into detail, we all know about all the things that took place Hit me, landed on me like a call to action. Okay, one, because of the just the outrageous nature of everything that took place, from Brianna Taylor to a moderate, of George Floyd and others, but also the the fact that so much of this has continued to happen and it's been happening over such a long period of time. Okay, we just seem to be in this. You know this, this doom loop, right, but but this time, perhaps because of COVID, perhaps for a lot of reasons, I ended up in conversations that just were amazing to me, from people of all races, of all backgrounds. I had no idea, I didn't know this was still happening. You know all these kinds of things and it really I was. I was annoyed, I was really annoyed, and you know, when you don't have a platform and you want to get into a conversation, it's here's that risk tolerance I'll tell you about earlier.
Speaker 2:What do you do? You create one, right, and so I wanted to start conversations, primarily among black women, but for everyone to really take a deep dive into some of these things, and so I pulled together a series of stories, and the stories are archetypes for things that most of us have experienced. Most people who have read the book come back to me and will say I saw myself. And in the story in chapter seven, or I saw myself, this happened to me. Right, just change the names. But I didn't want it just to be a story about what happened. I wanted to provide tools, and so the book includes coaching and reflection tools to help people navigate these circumstances and and really make different choices.
Speaker 2:Because the flip side of that goes back to what you just said. You walked into this organization and the messaging was that if you work hard and you follow this program, you too can excel at the top of this organization. Right, that's the messaging. The reality is very different than that. Okay, and we spend too much time, excuse me, believing the hype. Right, we buy into that Chamber of Commerce delivery, if you will, and we're not really strategic enough. We're not. We have. Our expectations aren't aligned with the reality of what we can expect, and so we have an opportunity to really be more strategic right, different courses of action, not wait five, 10, 15, 20 years for something to emerge. Okay, and that's that's often the case.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm, so let's, let's dig into that strategy, then. And so, as we start to think about, you know, having black women move to the top of these spaces, what are some of the initial things that you have people to start to think about within their strategy and their businesses or in their teams that can can help open that space, and not just open the space, but then help to actually move the needle right, because we often, in D our work, we'll talk about the issue, but the, the strategies and the action plan, right is not there. And so, yeah, what is? What is the action?
Speaker 2:I hear so many people say I want to be judged based on the value and the impact of my work, and that's just not realistic. I don't want to be bothered with the politics. I just want to come in, do a good job, receive, you know, and people sit and wait for to be recognized. They wait for other people to make decisions about their careers and their circumstances and things like that. So when I talk about being strategic, I'm really talking about paying attention.
Speaker 2:See who the power players are, notice what's going on, look at what behavior is not only being tolerated but what's being rewarded, and a phrase that you will see I don't know how many times throughout the book is speak up, call it out. Every time that we are silent, we're sending a message that it's okay. It's okay not to give me that bonus because you don't want to. It's okay to move someone else forward, you know, because you're more familiar with them or because I don't look like you. Whatever the case is just a lot of gaslighting that goes on right. But we've got to be able to address those things. We've got to be willing to address those things, and what I find so many times, ramona, is that people either don't know how to start the conversations. They're afraid to start the conversations, but that's the first habit that needs to be developed.
Speaker 1:So this first habit is speak up and call it out, and so you also talk about this idea of discriminatory gaslighting, right? So explain that term and then let's think about, because I know that people are going to say I want to say something, but I'm scared, I don't have the courage, I'm not I don't know what to do, just like what you just said.
Speaker 1:And so when we talk about speak up and call it out one, how do we deal with the gaslighting that's going to happen when we do call it out? And then how do we have the courage to move forward and really take that action?
Speaker 2:Have your facts straight, first of all. Okay, Okay, you know and that's what.
Speaker 2:That's why it's so important to pay attention to what's happening. Okay, so if you look at you're talking about the network marketing space. If you're looking at your numbers and your production aligned with someone else's and the trajectory is not the same, you've got something meaningful to talk about. Right, you're looking at that too. You really want somebody to break it down and you want to ask some difficult questions. It can be scary, and it's not. It's not easy, but once you begin to do it okay, and once you begin to become accustomed to doing it, then it becomes like anything else, right, it becomes almost second nature. But not only that. You've put others on notice that you're paying attention right, so many times we take that bad advice.
Speaker 2:You just got to work a little more. You got to do this, you know, and we work ourselves into the ground and nothing changes. Nothing changes. So discriminatory gaslighting is a term that was developed by Dr Kristy Piciccaro, who wrote a lovely forward for the book, and you know this came about basically as a result of her experiences being told that she had only been accepted to an Ivy school because she was black and all of these things, and she's a tenured professor at a notable institution of higher learning.
Speaker 2:If you read the book, the details, but basically it's when you know, you know it's raining, okay, oh, no, no, that's not what's really happening. Somebody has the hose on right, or you know, no, that's not what you're seeing. And some of those things can be so obscure in the workplace, right, but typically, if you're sensing that you know, maybe the first time you question say, okay, maybe I'm overreacting, but when you see that pattern, there's probably something there. There's probably something there and what you don't want to do is create, allow a, you don't want to build up a tolerance for that, right. And when I say, speak up, call it out, that's when you really have a cue that it's time to have an important and meaningful conversation.
Speaker 1:And I think, as we use the network marketing example, you know it's very easy for people to say it's just the numbers, it's a numbers game, right? So when people say, well, yeah, your numbers are lower because you're not doing the work, well, if you are doing the work and it's still lower, let's look a little bit deeper and I think in network marketing, we have to ask a question, because you don't necessarily have a boss, right? You're an independent consultant. So what we have to ask is what is happening in the system that I've been taught and I often tell people.
Speaker 1:We give people recipes instead of frameworks. And when we give them recipes, we say this is exactly how you do it and it's typically the way that the person in a majority community has done it and it works for them. But when we give a person a framework, we can say this is generally how it should be, make the spice a little bit different in your community or whatever it needs to be to adapt to your specific lifestyle and the way that your life works. I think that's important, and so when we think about this in the network marketing space is important to say, okay, well, what are we questioning? Because people are going to automatically say it's just numbers. Your numbers aren't the same, right yeah?
Speaker 2:But when you start to look at opportunities, yes, it's numbers, but you know who got the opportunity to go to a conference or, you know, get more visibility, you know, in a forum or something like that. Look at all of those things, right. And I think what you're saying about the nuances that need to be applied when you're talking about different communities is really important, right, because we may not have the same access and I don't know what the product or services that you're referencing particularly, and I'm not asking, but you know, sometimes it's a matter of affordability and I think that that's a real blind spot for people. You know, for these organizations, they don't even take it into consideration, right. You know how do we have to adapt to have broader appeal in different communities, right?
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I think that's where we really fall down, which is why it's so important to bring it to their attention. Not network marketing, but I can think of a vendor relationship that was pushing all of these new services and in coaching we use a lot of psychometric assessments and tools and things like that and they had this big kickoff and all these nice shiny brochures and videos, and there was no reflection of diversity. There was nobody in any of that material that looked like us Okay. So how would we have ever been able to present that right in a diverse environment.
Speaker 2:Those kinds of things matter, and those are the kinds of things that's the low hanging fruit. Those are the kinds of things that you've got to begin to call out.
Speaker 1:And I think a lot of people are calling those things out now, especially in network marketing, because a lot of times people have not seen themselves in advertisements, they have not seen themselves in the products, because the makeup or whatever the product is is limited, or we're selling sunscreen or not sunscreen, but suntan lotion in a black community, right, and they haven't seen themselves in leadership, and so I think that it's important for us to continue to navigate these spaces as black women. But when you don't see mentorship and I know you talk a lot about this in your book as well when you don't see people that look like you at the top of a company, then how do you effectively get the mentorship that you need to be able to navigate and to move to the top of this space?
Speaker 2:The short answer is sometimes we're not in the right space and there's just a limit to what we can achieve. But I'm going to reverse engineer that a bit, because mentoring doesn't necessarily need to come from within. I think everybody should have their own formal or informal kind of little board of advisors right Two or three people, no more than about five, that you can have these conversations with. That will give you input. You know that have different points of view, maybe different disciplines, different professions and industries okay, but you, you know I talked about paying attention to what is tolerated and what is rewarded. You might be in an organization where diversity doesn't matter, it's not a priority for them, and in a situation like that, particularly in this kind of space, respectively there might be a limit to what's achievable, to what can be accomplished, and that's a reality. My point is that you don't want to spend 10 good years trying to make that work. Okay, if it's not possible, right. We get caught up in the emotional component of this. Oh, you know, this one's a triple diamond and they can make and I can do this, I can get this car, whatever it is right. But you've got to peel back the layers and see what's behind that, what's beneath that. And when I talk about you know, really paying attention, you can see very quickly if you're looking for it, you know whether there's going to be support for advancement.
Speaker 2:There's some circumstances where people say, oh, I, you know, we didn't think about it that way, thank you, and here's what we're going to do. You want to hold them accountable. What can I count on you to do? Okay, we're having this conversation, so what's the next step? By when? Tough conversations to have when you're looking up, but those are meaningful conversations because you want more than just lip service. Right, you want to see action. You want to see action. Can I be a part of it? I can help you to gain insights into what would be more meaningful for members of this community, right? So if there's a level of acceptance there and you're you know you come to a mutual agreement and a way to move forward, that's great. If that's not well received, then I think you're in a different conversation.
Speaker 1:You perhaps have some choices to make and that's that's something that's often hard to do is that you're like okay, how do I know when that point is? Because sometimes it's like the process of change is slow, and then it's like but I there's been so slow that I know that this is not going to happen and it's time to move on. And so I know that a lot of times people have been just working, working, working, and they're behind the scenes and they're talking, and they're talking, and then they have just gotten to the point where they're like enough is enough, Right, yeah, we've done all the programs, we've done all the the learnings, we've done all that we can do and it's time to move on.
Speaker 2:And it's unfortunate because you know you buy more, you invest more, or you need to go to this or you need to buy that. You know you need all this upsells that benefit the leadership of the organization, right? I would say that it's important to have these conversations before you sign, before you invest, before you commit. If you're already in, you know, then you're in a different place.
Speaker 2:But if you're considering coming in and at the very beginning, before you've made, you know, a significant commitment, economically or otherwise, because it's expensive it can be to ramp up in these spaces. These are the questions you should be asking what is your commitment to diversity? Show me really demonstrate you know and all those things. So you want to do your due diligence before you get in. We get wrapped up in the numbers. This little lives in this house, in this neighborhood car, has a boat trips, whatever. No, no, no. Show me the details of how this is being rolled out or how this is happening. Yeah, if you're already in, you know. Unfortunately, sometimes I hate to use the term cut your losses. But if you know that it's not going to get any better and you're not in a position of any meaningful influence or power to change it, then it's perhaps time to transition and work toward making a more educated decision on the next environment.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then I love the fact that you say show me, and I would say, show me an extended history as well, so not the one person that made it that you can use as the one token person that got yeah, so yeah, the poster child for this. It's important that we can see the a range of individuals that are able to truly make it and so, as we were, we're moving through this and we're trying to do this work and you're making these decisions in business. How do we protect the mental health of black women? As we move through this? Because I know you and I do this work, we have had to learn how to take part in it. If not self care, just care, soul care, in a way that we're not angry about it. We're patient with people, we're able to move forward. But how do other people do that? Because it can get frustrating.
Speaker 2:I talk in the book about something called allostatic load right, the perpetual and continuous impact of dealing with this day in and day out. I have a friend in HR who says all day, every day.
Speaker 1:Right, this is the day, every day.
Speaker 2:All day, every day, and you know what you really have to. Again in the book I say you know. One, you're not crazy, but what is happening is real, okay. And two, you're not alone. And I think that we retreat into isolation too much because we think what should I be doing differently? I failed, I spent all this money, I spent all this time. You know people are expecting me to just get rid of all of that.
Speaker 2:Work your way through that as fast as you can and connect with a Ramona, a Brenda, anybody that you can begin to have conversations with. We are so caught up with the image right and the persona. Forget about that. Your health, your mental health in particular, is the most important thing. We end up in dangerous places medically high blood pressure, diet, all this stuff. We work ourselves into bad health really, and none of this is worth it, None of it. And so connect, find your community, you know. Find the mentors, the accountability partners, others that you can begin to talk to, and you will quickly learn. You will. You will very soon learn that you're not alone and that you know you have an outlet. But you got, you've got to get it out of your head.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is so important. And, as we wrap this up, what is some advice that you would typically give either a team leader or a company that's trying to open this space for black women to be able to navigate to the top of a company? And then what is the last piece of advice that you would give the black woman, woman of color, that is trying to navigate that space? So, from the company, the team leader standpoint, and then what advice do you give the black woman?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So from the from the company or team leader standpoint, you know really being able to live into your commitment, walk the walk, seek input and advice from people who would be impacted by the changes that need to be made. All right, don't just assume that oh well, we're going to do this, you know, and that's. We're going to check this box for inclusion or diversity. You know, really hear from all voices in the room to come up with a cogent plan for increasing. It's more than diversity. It's inclusion because you can have the numbers. But if everybody is silent and not really being brought into meaningful conversations and decisions, then you know it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:So, so really cast a wide net when trying to plan for those initiatives to move, to move them forward in a meaningful way For black women. It really is about trying to set aside that fear and ask those difficult questions, have those tough conversations and set some of the superficial stuff aside. I promised my mom, I told my dad, my kids are thinking that I'm going to do this. They're expecting and we get, we're bogged down with all of those things. Okay, and we've got to reprioritize. So you know, be willing, be willing to confront the things that are happening and come up with a strategy. What is it that you need to know? What is the conversation that needs to be had and with whom? What do you want the outcome to be? If it doesn't go well, what is your next step? Okay, have a plan.
Speaker 2:It's hard work. I'm not. I don't want us to oversimplify it, but that's what we have to do. And every time we don't do that, every time we don't do that, we're sending a message that it's okay, keep beating up on me, it's fine, right, yeah, and I? There's a place in the book I don't know if you got to it where, in the first conversation with the client, she's telling me all these things that are happening. And then every sentence she ended and that's fine, and that's fine. Yeah, about the third time she said that I said stop it. I said that is not fine and I drew the little circle fine, and put a line through it None of that is fine. Don't accept it, just do not accept it.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's so powerful that I mean that that's like the drop the mic moment. Right, it's not fine. We have to be able to speak out and to to really and I think some, a lot of times, speaking out is self care, because we keep it just balled up, because we know that these things are happening. We see the gaslighting, we see all of the, the microaggressions or subtle acts of exclusion, whichever term you know we want to use, and it is just weighing and weighing and weighing. You know, even, as we have talked about before in science, changing our genetic code, right, because it's all the stress and and all of the issues that are happening. And so, brenda, I have absolutely loved this conversation, access denied, and so tell us how we can keep and touch with you. How do we get the book so that we can make sure that everybody is reading this, because I think it is such an important work and thank you for adding this to the literature and to just our lives is really going to enhance us, thank you.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you so much. So the website for the book is access hyphen denied net and all of the retail links are there, but you can go directly to Amazon books million, barnes and Noble wherever books are sold you can. You can find it online. If you want to get in touch with me directly at adaptive leadership strategies, it's be Harrington. At adaptive leadership strategiescom. I'm on Instagram as author, be Harrington and I'm on LinkedIn.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your, your time, your commitment to this work. Brenda, you have been an absolutely wonderful guest and I'm so very appreciative that you took the time today to come and be a guest on the Inclusive Networker podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh, it was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, thank you all for listening to this episode of the Inclusive Networker podcast. You can find Brenda's information in the show notes and I will see you on the next episode of the Inclusive Networker. Bye, and that wraps up another episode of the Inclusive Networker podcast. I want to express my sincere gratitude to you, our listeners, for joining us on this journey of learning and growth. Your support and engagement are truly, truly appreciated. Creating a more inclusive network and beyond starts with us, individually and collectively. Let's continue these conversations beyond the Inclusive Networker podcast. Engage with others, challenge your own assumptions, take action to make a difference in your own spheres of influence and share, share, share this podcast with a friend. So here's what you can do next Go to drramonahlauntscom and keep up with me. Stay in touch. That's D-R-R-A-Y-M-O-N-A-H-L-A-W-R-E-N-C-Ecom. Don't forget my Y and Dr Ramona, and don't you dare forget your Y, and I'll see you on the next episode of the Inclusive Networker.